Habit Forming

"It's been a while! A lot has happened in the past year. For one, I went to live in Spain for three incredible months. I've learned a lot more than just Spanish while I was there. I think I've learned, like REALLY learned the importance of the concept of "today."

I'm usually such a planner. I try to think of how I want my future to be or things that I want to eventually do. But "planners" are just dreamers. Dreams think up dreams. And dreams without action are just make believe. I have a nice little future built up in my dreams, but until I do the actions, it's just make believe.

I met some truly incredible people in Spain that inspire me. Now that we've all split when we came home from Europe, I miss them dearly. They won't be easily forgotten. I just knew in the back of my mind that I would see some of them again one day.

One day? Which day? Some day in the future? Well, here's an idea - how about TODAY, you "planner" you."

-Me 2/6/2011
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I started this blog to show my own self improvement and growth.  I've only published one post.

That stuff up there was supposed to be my second post, and obviously I didn't get around to finishing it or posting it.

"Didn't get around to it. Didn't get around to it. Didn't get around to it."  (So much for that TODAY talk I mentioned up there, huh?)

Habits and habit-forming are powerful things.  A person could wake up at 5 in the morning and run 20 miles without thinking if that is his/her habit.

No problem.

One could wake up, cook, clean, drop the kids off, shop, cook again, pick the kids up, clean again, cook again, all while having a part time job and part time college classes if that is his/her habit.

No problem.

One can also wake up late, go back to sleep, and wake up later staring at the ceiling all day day after day if that is his habit.

No problem...

Habits are things you do without thinking. They're actions that your body does time and time again to where the action isn't even a thought.  You practice your habits every day.

I want to make blogging or documenting my life a habit. The only way I can do that is to DO IT. TODAY not later.

In that post I started in Feb '11, I talked about how I'm such a planner... Such a dreamer...

I still am.

That is my habit. I'm GREAT at thinking about what I can do and where I can end up. That is my current habit.  It's also a problem to a degree.

"You can dream a little dream or you can live a little dream. I'd rather live it because dreamers always chase but never get it." -Aesop Rock


Actions are required to make dreams a reality. I feel like I don't act.  Or if I am acting, I'm going VERY slowly.

Why don't I act?

To be honest, I do "act" to a degree, but I don't act to my full potential. I don't even think I act to half of my potential.

So why don't I act?  Good question.

Hmm... Maybe?...

• I feel I'm such a perfectionist at times. It is easy for me to start a million things.  As I go along, I find it hard to make final decisions.  When I have a prototype or demo of something I'm working on, I don't feel it is good enough.  Since it's not good enough, I work hours upon hours to try to make it good enough. It never gets there in my eyes, even with all the hard work. That has made me lazy because I see it coming--the hours of fruitless work... and that discourages my action. This has happened time and time again. Habit.

• Does life get in the way?  I do have some massive things going on in my life, and it's easy for me to play victim and say that those things prevent me from acting.  I literally can't talk details of the massive things going on in my life, but take my word on it--They aren't ordinary, they seem brutally eternal, and they take jabs at my spirit.  I'm not sure that's a good enough excuse to prevent me from acting.  There must be a way to turn "life got in the way" to "life happened along the way."  I'm very used to life getting in the way of my dreams. I let them prevent me from action often. Habit.

• Perhaps I'm scared?  I don't feel scared. Being scared is no way to live. I truly believe that. IF I'm scared, it must be hidden deep in my subconscious.

So I leave my work and passions unfinished. I'm a perfectionist, I'm lazy, I'm a planner, I'm a dreamer, I allow life to get in the way, and perhaps I'm scared.

....These are my habits. I'm great at them, I do them everyday. It's clockwork. It requires no thinking.

There is a word that I want to add to my habit list...
..."action"

First Blog Evar!

"Use your talent (everybody has one) in anyway you can. Don't keep it for yourself like a miser - spend it like a millionaire!" -Lucy MacDonald

I'm such a lucky person.

My whole life, I've generally been a contagiously happy person. I've always been quick to cheer people up, and I am a pretty darn-tootin good listener. I'm not trying to toot my own horn (haha, I typed "toot" in two consecutive sentences), but these are things that I've been told. My philosophy on life has pretty much always been, "Smile and laugh, no matter what."

Well, it may come as a bit of a shock to those who've known me since grade school. I'm pretty down right now. This is the lowest I've ever felt. I suppose I can't go into detail for the purpose of protecting others, but just know things are not too good. I'm definitely not depressed; I'm too positive to ever fall into depression. But, it has kind of been hard to "smile and laugh, no matter what." Life just seemed to get in the way of that.

I spend a lot of time alone here in San Marcos, and I find myself just sitting and thinking a lot. Sometimes, that's a bad idea. It's easy to get trapped in your own thoughts, and you can sometimes convince yourself that untruths are actually real. I think I'm doing that way too often. The me of 7 years ago would be slapping me in the face if he knew how foolish I've been unnecessarily submerging and drowning myself in negativity.

I didn't start a blog to vent and complain. That's not what I'm about. I've actually started a blog to document my life. I feel like the days are just falling off the calendar, and I am losing track of what's happening. No big deal, I suppose. It's only my life that I'm not remembering! Since I consider myself at a bit of a low at the moment, I figure documenting a rise would be a pretty cool thing to do. That's definitely what's going to happen; a rise. I have some pretty big plans in store for my immediate future, and It'd be nice if I didn't forget them as they happen!!!

I also want to use this blog to focus on how amazing my life actually is. I plan to post blogs that just explain how I feel about people in my life. I've been blessed to know some incredible people. I am so lucky, fortunate and blessed to be in the position I am in. I have a lot going for me, and I have it better off than most of the planet.

Hopefully, this blog will inspire others to see the good in their lives as well! We all have good and bad things happen to us, there's not much we can do about it. But, killing yourself over the bad, and pretending the good doesn't exist is just silly. Silly silly. Silly silly silly silly.

You know what? This post is waaayyy to serious. It won't happen again, honest. My next blog will be wayyy cooler! To compensate for the mood of this blog, watch this!!!: